Silence the Sibling Squabbles - Family is Forever

Overwhelmed with the amount of constant fighting in your home? You’re not alone!!

Kids will find the most ridiculous things to take up as their cause and make it the hill they’re willing to die on.

“I was sitting here first!”

“No, me first!”

“Shotgun!”

“That’s mine.”

“I want the biggest!”

“Mom!!!! He hit me!!!”

It can grate on a parent’s nerves faster than nails screeching across an old, dirty chalkboard. Not only that, but often the conflict runs much deeper than whatever petty issue seems to be this moment’s hot button problem. Kids who lack character and vision tend to not catch the big picture of why treating siblings kindly should even be considered.

At Families Doing Life Differently we believe that it is critical for kids to feel confident in their sense of belonging and know their importance within the family unit. If this identity and belonging is secure, all other behavioral conversations can launch from there. If this internal knowing isn’t clear for a child, there will be trouble that feels difficult to overcome. It’s incredibly difficult to have a conversation with kids about treating a sibling with honor and respect if there isn’t the foundational knowledge that, “We [insert family name here] deeply value each person in our family unit, which means we always treat one another with kindness and respect.”

Are kids going to mess up? Absolutely, but when the values of honor, belonging, respect, and kindness are embedded in your family’s DNA, the entire conversation can change. When they know who they are and what their family stands for, it’s possible to ask kids to take ownership of their own hearts and minds during sibling conflict. It’s critically important to move beyond he said, she said, and the mine, mine, mine mindset to the character of a child’s heart. Why is it that they have to be the first one? The last one? The one with the bigger half? The one in the front all the time? These self-first attitudes left unchecked result in a selfish, prideful young adult who hasn’t learned to act… like an adult. They have learned that a “me first” attitude is what gets them what they want rather than an attitude that loves people deeply, values respect, and recognizes the worth they see in others.

So where to start? If you hang around here long enough, you’ll learn that we LOVE family meetings. These aren’t your average meetings. Done right, a family meeting should build connection, be engaging and fun, be kept as short as possible, and have one key takeaway. Make tonight’s family meeting about sibling conflict. This is not an opportunity for parents to rant on their kids about how miserable life is because of the horrible behavior of their kids; rather, this is a space for everyone to connect, learn, and grow. For tonight’s family meeting, we recommend a reset!

1. Begin with a quick activity or family game. This could be anything from a quick scavenger hunt to a read aloud story to a dance party to a game of speed Uno to a quick craft to scream singing the family’s favorite song or whatever other short activity your family prefers. The goal is connection, but it can be quick!

2. Start the conversation. Ask the kids which of their friends have the BEST relationship with their siblings. You can share first, “I love how my co-worker Alaina is always talking about her sister. They do everything together, and they always seem like they are having such a great time!”

3. Make the topic important. Help the kids understand that as hard as it is to believe, most likely the majority of the friends they have right now will not be a very big part of the rest of their lives. Friends come and go, but family is forever!

4. Cast the vision. In this family we value each other down to the core of who we are. Every single one of us. No questions; no ifs, ands, or buts. You can name their names to make this statement personal! We love and respect each other at all times and in every way. We put our love for each other ahead of our selfishness and our wants. That’s just who we are and who we aim to be as a family.

5. Describe the problem. Lately, I’ve been noticing that there has been a significant amount of fighting in our house, and that is unhealthy for our family. That changes starting tonight. That goes against our family code of love and respect for each other, and we need to make it better!

6. Paint a new picture. From now on, when there is conflict over who gets the front seat, who hit who first, or whether someone’s foot is crossing over the middle line, I’m going to be looking for kids who choose to love and respect each other more than wanting their own way, remembering that family is for life. This might mean that a child doesn't get what he wants, but he gets to choose that intentionally and with purpose.

   
   

Recognize that this is simply a new start for your family. Nothing magical has happened to your mischief making, naturally selfish children, but this is a fresh direction for your family to travel together! Moving forward, when conflict arises, like it probably will in the next five minutes if your family is anything like ours, this meeting will be the standard that you call the kids back to. If you feel uncertain about handling each conflict as it arises, our Silence Sibling Conflict course (launching soon) dives deeper into how to handle the reoccurring battles that WILL occur according to the new family standards that you are putting in place. It gives practical help and key questions to ask to effectively deal with the bickering and arguments as they arise, and it equips you as the parent with a healthy process to encourage kids to focus on valuing and respecting each other rather than on getting their way.

The bottom line? To turn the tide in your home away from constant fighting and reset your family tonight, focus on communicating a standard of love, value, and respect for every single person in your home. Make it clear that it is your expectation that everyone is on board. It’s just who your family is. Interrupt the pattern of “me first” behavior and get kids moving down a new path EACH AND EVERY TIME conflict arises. You’ve got this, friend! We believe in you!

Also, remember, if you need help to know the words to say in those seemingly never-ending moments of correction, check out our course on Silencing Sibling Conflict, launching VERY soon! Click the button below to sign up for our mailing list, and you will be among the first to know about it!

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Katrina Eaton | June 10th, 2025